Well, we're still here in the Platt's house. It has been past a year since Greg graduated from BYU and so far no luck with the job hunt. Also I'm having no luck with the weight loss and I still can't even fit into my maternity pants! They are the maternity pants from the first pregnancy and they stopped fitting around April and haven't fit since. My problem is that I lose my desire to resist temptations to overeat at night and then in the morning I feel terrible and want to quit trying. It's a cycle that's very hard to break. I also need to get back in the habit of exercising every day (except Sundays). I wasn't able to during the pregnancy and I've been struggling to make it a habit again.
I have stopped the Zoloft and I have been struggling to control my dark thoughts (like why bother exercising, might as well get fat) and trying to stay hopeful. Zoloft really worked but I felt like it was a crutch. I don't really need to take them anymore because my postpartum depression is gone but it's really tempting to continue them because when I was on them, I felt distanced from harsh reality and everything felt like a funny sitcom. I didn't feel the full brunt of anything and my mind was quiet. But I also couldn't feel true happiness on them.
Now that I'm off, I'm back to my old self - always on the edge of crying or screaming, constantly trying to shut up the stupid song or phrase that got stuck in my head; but now I can look at the world around me and truly see its breathtaking beauty. It makes me cry and feel so thankful to have eyes to see it.
